Colour outside the lines

I can’t fathom how emotional and sentimental I am. It’s really tiring. I get overly attached to something that makes me happy. Then I always question myself, “is this wrong?”.

It’s this state of confusion I go through every single time. Should I be feeling the way I am?  I should let go a little. Maybe? Definitely. Why can’t I be like every other normal person?

Ambiguous. That’s how I feel. Neither here nor there. Somewhere out of place every where.

It takes a lot out of me, no wonder I’m so weak. My weary heart can barely take all these.

How can something so right feel so wrong?

I can never fully express how I feel about someone or something head on, face to face. Thus, I do things, make small little gestures from the bottom of my heart, to compensate for my lack of courage.

But even the sincerest intentions can be taken out of context. It hurts. Can I do any right? Only God knows and sees. I can only pray that He shines light through their hearts and someday they’ll see it too…in time. God can give us time, so I don’t see why we can’t.

Had a heart to heart talk with a dear friend recently, where we just exchanged thoughts, questions, concepts of life and the higher power, and I must say it was really eye opening it gave me goosebumps. I really appreciate and enjoy open conversations like this. I learn new things, opens my heart and mind and I realize a lot of things that may have never crossed my mind.

From this, I realized that it all boils down to our sole purpose in life. We’re in this world because of Him. He is responsible for our lives, naturally we’re responsible for our actions towards Him and for Him. Everything else is secondary.

Therefore, whatever people think of our actions, intentions doesn’t really matter. As long as He knows your heart, it is all that matters. I’m gonna tell myself this from now on.


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