No, this is not a post about a song by Mariah Carey.
As I sit here sipping a can of mango juice, reflecting on everything that has happened this past year, I am immediately struck by the amount of change I have seen – in this world and in people. For the better and worse.
But who am I to give judgment? I have come to the point in my life where I can readily acknowledge change (I think). Heck, i’ve changed too. Even without me realizing it, until much later. As they say, ride the waves of life wherever they take us. I have learnt to embrace it. It is inevitable. Things won’t ever stay the same.
“I think there is something about coming back to the beginning that helps you reset. Something about walking the most familiar, and yet forgotten streets, that allows you to meet the parts of yourself which don’t change. Your essence. And once you have connected again to those parts, maybe you can start afresh. Maybe before you can start over, you have to go back to the beginning.” – Yasmin Mogahed
What is my essence? Can someone tell me. I have no idea. Still searching. I always ask myself, “When will the search finally end?” “Will I ever find the answer?”. There have been many times where I just had enough. And I wanted it all to pass. But something kept me going. God works in mysterious ways. I’ve never questioned that. Sometimes when you’re not looking for an answer, you find something much greater, when you least expect it.
2014 has been an eventful year for me. I have had to let go of certain aspects of my life which have become second nature to me. First and foremost, I can’t believe I’ve successfully completed by National Service. That is a milestone in itself. I have grown and gained so much from it and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Lost two of my family members. An aunt and most recently, my uncle. My thoughts and prayers go out to them. May they be in a better place. Saying goodbye and letting go is probably the hardest part.
A simple back-to basics trip to Ho Chi Minh and Cambodia also broadened my perspectives and opened my eyes in many ways. To fully immerse myself in their culture and not think about ‘distractions’ and ‘attachments’, and just appreciate the sights and sounds of another country, you’d feel lighter, as I did.
My mind is a backlog of memories that I constantly replay before I go to sleep. It is just my way to keep my feet on the ground, and to be thankful for all the things I have and used to have. There have also been missteps, rash decisions and choices of mine that I regret and have learnt from. I realized that it is okay to let some of these go. I figured that with my family and God by my side, I shouldn’t worry too much.
Friends that have stuck with me or have been there in spirit, I hope that I was able to reciprocate at least a fraction of what I received. Just know that i’ll always be there for you.
So for 2015, I hope to be a better son, brother and friend (cliche, I know lol). To be humble, compassionate and sincere in the things I put out. To work and study hard in school and make my parents proud. To be happier and to love with an open heart.
“Do not erase your good deeds by doing it for the pleasure of others or by bragging and showing off. Allow His light to enter you, and you will inevitably shine. Let the light guide you home.”
Here’s to a great year ahead. Love and light, cheers!