petty scum

yup that’s me, as much as i try my best to stay away from being petty, it seems to be the effect of everything i’ve done or have yet to do. at least in my head. it is as pathetic as it sounds. the scariest thing is i don’t even know how to stop it. can i even? it’s mutated inside my very being, i feel it. and i despise it.

sooner or later, people will get to know the scum that i am and i’ll have nowhere to hide. just like x-men, except without the hauntingly beautiful¬†storm eyes or wolverine claws. at least they look strong.

the first week of this blessed month had been nothing short but painful physically.the people closest to me also experienced hardships and I almost forgot who to turn to. though somehow i feel ashamed that i always look to Him whenever i’m facing troubles and challenges but “dismiss” and forget Him when all’s good, that never stopped me from praying and hoping for the best. He truly has never failed me. thank god i feel better now.

but now what do i do with these emotions? sigh.

am i a good friend? am i too clingy? am i selfish?

am i selfish for expecting others to do the same thing i’d do for them?

what do i mean to you? where do i stand?

you get the drift?

all these questions. lingering between life and death.

between me and you, i don’t need definite answers but just signs.

like how you’ve always been a sign for me, from Him.

yours faithfully,

p.s.

 

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