No ways tired

To risk nothing is to live in vain.

There is almost always a risk involved in everything that we do. Would life really be that meaningful if we only play it safe? Like love, it is never safe. It tests us in every way imaginable; just like Him. God believes we have the capacity to persevere and pull through in the game of life. So let’s risk it all so no matter what happens we can say without regret, “at least I tried”.

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I long to be kind to everyone I meet. My mom constantly reminds me why she gave me my name which means in Arabic, “The Compassionate One”. I’m so quick to get angry at people when I feel they’ve wronged me. And they say anger is the root of all evil. That’s why these days, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt so that I don’t end up disappointed. Maybe it’s just me being in denial but I rather that than feel as though the whole world owes me something.

No. I’m just a pilgrim passing through.

The least I can do is to be kind while I’m still breathing. We are all fighting our own battles.

Auto-biography

When I’m alone I feel the lethargy from having to love myself. I admit that I am dependent on people to make me feel loved. I know that I should not feel that way because it can cut me like a knife. Thus, when I’m alone I seek comfort from the words of others—through songs, books, films and poetry. Words that mean a great deal to the writer become the source of my fantasy and reality intertwined. Finally whenever I feel alone, I remember that God reads me like an open book where my words and insecurities will always reach Him; I will be healed.

The captain speaking

Right now I taste solitude in its finest form. In the flight cabin filled with faces of strangers, I find the hostile air to smell the strangest. The occasional turbulence I feel mid air reminds me of my own turbulent feelings as a result of life’s lessons and losses.

I want to dream about my own funeral being attended by all my loved ones, students colleagues and unexpected acquaintances who came to pay their last respects to me. I want to dream that I breathed my last breath peacefully and surrounded by the mortal guardians of my heart. I hope that they speak kindly of and about me, how I lived my life and what kind of friend, teacher, cousin, brother and son I was. I hope they’d remember me fondly.

To me, a good life means being truly happy and at peace with myself. A good life can also be achieved if I am able to bury bitterness and enjoy the sweetness of even the most random encounters—To make the most out of what I have with the people around me and see the world through each other’s eyes (and hearts).

If I imagine tomorrow, it’s going to be brimming with so much laughter and happiness that the only way to contain this contentment, is to give it away to my family and best friends. If tomorrow never comes for me, I would die happy knowing that I’ve imparted joy and smiles to my loved ones in this life.