Only count

I can always count on you to make me smile. Even on the dullest days, you tell me that I can always love again. You tell me that I can weather the hardships because I am stronger than I think. Most importantly, you tell me that I can always count on myself. For anything.

This, I should.

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The evening kite

In the night sky there are traces of your humanity. All your hopes and wishes that had come true or floated by before crashing down, all but mere remnants now.

I remember seeing the blue and red striped kite soaring high above us before its string got cut. And the sky never seemed so close. I imagined it was a shooting star. I wished for you to be close to me. I wondered why people rarely flew their kites at night. I asked myself why I preferred night flights. While Amir and Hasan craved for the expanse of the skies, star-crossed lovers long to be able to send the glow of a firefly through their eyes. Some things you never get tired of. The moon. The stars. My wish. A thousand times over,

for you.

Every day, every moment

I remember breaking your heart. When I fell for you because of your smile back then, your happiness had meant mine. Then, I slowly lost it — What did it mean to be truly happy? I no longer had the answer to that.

Until I saw the sadness and helplessness in your eyes, which grew at the same rate your smile was disappearing. Only then I realised that all this while, all my happiness had meant yours.

Where did we go wrong?

Just one more night

A lesson we all learn is that everything takes time. The moon revolves around our little planet for which we get to witness the day turn to night. Repeated cycles and routines make us tired but even so, some nights I lay awake unable to sleep.

Like tonight. In this sleepless solitude, I remind myself that the world is round and does not revolve around me. I am trying to think of a different expression to describe how I am a “work in progress” but I can’t. Maybe it will come to me later. Everything takes time. Even anger, heartache and pain need time to subside. Unless my time runs out, I will wait.

There’s never been a time when I thought “I’d never be able to get through this”. As heavy as my heart feels on certain lonely days or empty nights, at the back of my mind, I know that God is always with me guiding me and looking after me.

In between chapters

The best feeling is when someone remembers the little details about you. Like knowing what drink I always get from the bubble tea shop to the songs that I’d listen to whenever those half moon nights beckon. And not just what they see or read on my instagram feed.

The best feeling is when I am celebrated on my birthdays which have come to lose significance for me. A simple wish to tell me that someone remembers, is like reaching the end of a good book where I am left in tears or with a smile. To have someone read the stories I tell is the best feeling.

You, again

My eyes are glistened with the ghosts of “what might have been”. I keep thinking of the times when I wished I had done something differently, like consoling a friend over his bad day at work or just thanking my mom for cooking my favourite dish. Would I have turned out a different person? I’ll never know. Perhaps that’s just the way things are supposed to be. That we’d always be in a constant search for ourselves and we may never find the answers to some things.

They say the eyes are the window to one’s soul. One that only allows us to peek. Nothing more, or less.