Memory lane

Sometimes you try to find the right words to describe a feeling or the right words to say to someone or the right song to match your mood but everything feels contrived. Instead of stressing, I figured I’ll just let it be. Until it comes to me.

Spirited away

I would like to make a movie where its ending scene is of its two main characters sitting separately from each other in a large empty theatre. Just the two of them, so near yet far, watching the credits roll to the tune of “The Promise of the World”. Waiting; each anticipating who will get up to leave the cinema first, before the lights and screen fade to black.

One thing I’ve learnt throughout the years is to not be too rigid— to ease up on certain things and situations; and to be flexible and adaptable. I’m still working on it. As time goes on, I’ve begun to enjoy these little “free periods” in my life where I get to be in control of what I do, what I listen to, what book I read, what show I watch, and even how I feel.

I hope I can continue manoevering through the cracks and crevices even when the tough gets going.

There will be light.

Memberi tanpa paksaan,

Insan yang lebih memerlukan

Berbesar hati

Membawa keikhlasan

When I read some books, I don’t feel anything. But others have the power to move me or even take me to another realm. As I try to write in my free time, I find some sentiments difficult to express in one language, despite the millions of words and permutations I could explore. Maybe I’m just not a competent enough writer. However, I love having the possibilities. We can all look at the same night sky with the same half moon, but how we each describe the scene is unique. I wrote the stanza above in Malay because I felt connected to the emotions of the people invovled in the act I witnessed a while back. It is translated below:

To give without being coerced,

The less fortunate

Possess the biggest hearts

Shining with sincerity

Lone wolf

Staring solemnly into the distance, a faint and slow moving figure catches my eye amidst the chaos of the bustling city. I fix my gaze onto the brooding shadow that sticks out like a sore thumb yet, people around are oblivious to it. I inch closer. I realise we are moving in unison. Without turning its head, I finally recognised it. “How are you, my old friend?” I ask. It replied in the most endearing tone, “I’m just really happy that you moved on”.

It was a few years back when I chose to leave my old friend, lonely behind. Since then, I’ve learned that I am never truly alone. I had to abandon loneliness to see things in a new light. Once in a while, we pass by each other. But every time we continue walking ahead and moving forward.

I’m still trying to get a hang of the art of letting go. Slowly but surely a step in the right direction.

Upon a full moon

Recent conversations with good friends and family have prompted me to pause and whisper my thoughts into this space; for me to look back on.

I started off the year with the mantra, “Make it happen” which would serve as a reminder for myself to actively strive for my goals and meet expectations. Now almost at the halfway mark, I realise that things will not always happen they way I envision it to. As much as it leaves me with a great deal of disappointment, it humbles me to know that despite the setbacks, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, that there is at least one person God has sent to look after me, and that there is hope. When things don’t work out, I find myself stuck in a hole, where I start hating everything and everyone.

Only I can stop this cycle.

I have to find the good amidst the bad, find the good in others and find the good in myself. It starts with me. I just have to keep trying and going.